My first STD was from a foam party
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
