So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize