My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
