Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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