you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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