I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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