Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
