Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
