Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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