im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Operation Purity has been aborted
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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