Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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