Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
