first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
