we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
