so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
