He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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