GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
