So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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