if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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