And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
