I wish I only lived at night.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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