Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
