you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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