party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
