when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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