Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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