1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There's always time for handjobs
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They have beer where we have blood.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
