I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
