I hate your face
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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