I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
