Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
