you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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