you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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