I'm really into asian looking animals
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
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