I cut my penus on the lid.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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