Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
