Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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