Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
