i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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