you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
