What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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