I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
