Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
