i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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