and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
