An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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