Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
