Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
