It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I had to cum in my sink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
