I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
