Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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