there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
