Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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