Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My dick has a subreddit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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