I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
