I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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