Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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