Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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