Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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