i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
