the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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