Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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