You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
