well you can't waste a boner
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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