dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
