I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
