My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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