guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
