Too much gin, very little bucket
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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